Baccarat

Friend (F): Why can't life be simple, Jivan? Why can't my mum just accept him who he is? Why does financial security has to be so important? Why does all this has to bother me? What if my mum is right? What if down the road, he'll never be able to provide for me? It's a risk that I'm taking you know? And truth is I'm not even sure if all this is not affecting me? But at the same time, there are times that I know he's really the type of person that I really want to be with. I'm stuck, Jivan. What would you do? 

Me (M): I'd listen to my heart.

F: So, what if your parents disagree, you would let it go?

M: My heart would ask me to fight for it if I feel for it. The consequences would not matter. In the end, I will know that I have tried my best to defend something that I felt for.

F: So you agree, that you'll make your parents happy la?

M: If they're not gonna be happy, chances are that, I won't go ahead.

F: So you do agree with me la? That I should meet the other guy that my mum wants me to meet despite she knowing that I'm in a relationship?

M: It's not the same. 

F:You know what. You don't get my point. Maybe if  you're in my situation, you'll understand.

M: Yeah, maybe. I don't get yours and you don't get mine. Can we agree to disagree?

After another 90 minutes or so talking about the same thing.

M:It's very simple. At the soul level, your heart knows whats good for you but everything around you is so noisy and chaotic, you can't hear it. You just have to stop to catch a breath. That's all you need. To breathe and be silent. The answer is there and your actions then will be guided by it. Trust me. It works.

F: But you know right? People fight because of money. Marriages fail because of money. This is reality Jivan. I don't care what you think.

M:I don't deny that but I'm saying that should not be the MAIN deciding factor to pick someone. Of course, I'm not gonna marry a dude who can't even support himself but you see, financial security is subject to change. Today he can be richer than you, tommorow he can meet with an accident and be bed ridden. If today he is someone who reads the Bible with you and share your lowest point in life, even tommorow when you become the soul bread winner and come back home all beaten up with frustration while he is still bed ridden, he'll be there to read the Bible with you again. Just go back and ask yourself. If nothing else matters in this world, no money, no prestige, no education, no mum, how would you feel? If you're indifferent towards him and you still just 'want to give it a shot', then by all means, do what makes your mum happy. Go out and meet all the boys she asks you to but if your feeling tells you otherwise, then stay and fight for something you believe you feel. Again if you feel it, then chances are that you're probably right. It works this way, when you have decided on something, your next actions will strengthen your decision and it's not the other way around. Of course, this does not apply to buying apples or groceries but generally for serious matters this rule holds true. 

The scenario

Person A is lower educated than you are. He's not poor poor but he doesn't earn as much as you do, probably won't for the next 2 years or so but does wonders to ease your sorrows and helps you grow spiritually. By that I mean, you know there are times when you have problems, you can just sit and talk to someone because you know they know what to say, how to say and what to do. And when that is done, you feel alright. You just feel it.

Person B is your mother or father who tells you he is not good enough for you. ( Rationally almost all of them will say this) because he is not  earning more than you, does not have a house yet bla bla bla  and almost logicallly they will never send their daugthers back to living in a situation less comfortable than the ones they grew up with. Fact.

This is a tricky situation alright. You're dating someone. Oh wait, not dating. In a relationship. It's a big thing for you especially when you're in that red alert age group ;p and the whole world on FB seems to be getting married and producing babies. Your clock is ticking. Peer pressure. You can't afford to make mistakes. You just want to nail it this time. But nop, your mum/aunty/father/ great uncle whoever has to do some snooping around and decides that your current bf is not good enough for you and there is so much of drama that is happening. People just can't shut up sometimes and what's worse they annoy the life out of you with their 'care and concern'.

One side of you is thinking "What if my mum is so right. I mean mothers know  the best, right?" And another side of you also can't help but to wonder if "What if" the fish that is out in the sea is better than the one in your hands? Damn. There you go. Confused again. 

Buddha was right. Accumulation leads to suffering. The evidence of it is scattered all around us. Money is always rearing its ugly head while love needs to be justified and explained over a 2 hour conversation. It's a mad world and everyone is forced to run the rat race. We've all become so robotic and everyone seem to go after just one thing. The bigger and supposedly better things in life. In reality, what matters is the small and the insignificant silence for it has the power to help you when you're at the crossroads. Stuck. Twisted. In doubt & denial. Anxious. Angry. Frustrated.

You see every thought that comes to your mind comes from your heart. It's simple. Let me relate to you metaphorically. You're driving to work in the morning. You see a sickly dog by the road side, you could almost see it's rib cage. A thought crossed your mind. "Ahh, that poor thing. God, please give him some food" .That was a thought. A simple prayer, you may say that came from the mind. What drove that thought? Your feeling of empathy. You felt it. It touched your heart before it went to your mind. So is the thought really from the mind or was it from your heart? The mind is heart and vice versa. No?

It's a gamble. There will always be doubt. People talking. We'll never be sure.  It's like the Baccarat game of life. You'll never be certain if you're gonna win and there's really nothing you can do to change the outcome of the game. But your intuition are the cards that you're born with. It's a matter of whether you want to deal with it or not before knowing how to. If you know yourself enough, you'll deal the cards well and strike a balance, you may not win all the time but you'll also know why you lost certain rounds. Question is how well do you know yourself to know what you want? Ask yourself and it shall set you free.